He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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