I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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