Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
