Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize