That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
