Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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