Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
