I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
