last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
