from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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