Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
