Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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