I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
