You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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