we have pet lesbian snakes
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The adults are the big ones right?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
