There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
