why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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