Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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