end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He? As in you personified your dick?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize