hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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