Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
