gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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