Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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