he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
