Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Terrible idea I love it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
