Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
