Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
