You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
