Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize