the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
