You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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