All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
