I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I fill condoms, not promises.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize