But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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