dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
