Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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