I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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