I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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