I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
