Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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