the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
