her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
