you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
