no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
