Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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