I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
