Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
