We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
