What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
