I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
