toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
