I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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