im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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