If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
