So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize