My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dear god my vagina.
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