My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
