There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Blood and glitter go together right?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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