I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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