Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
