guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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