It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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