apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
