Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
