Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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