i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
