Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
